Merry Magpie

Really?

2011-10-28T12:23:00.002-04:00

So I have not been feeling like myself. Stuck for months.. I got my mojo back, YAH! Hung out with some friends I adore. I made a long over due decision and I feel SO much better. Working on a few different things..

Going to start taking the steps to go back to school.. Does anyone know how in the heck to do high school math? I knew I would never need it.. SHOT!

Pondering...

2011-10-14T03:51:00.002-04:00

Some days it is way harder to come up with the title.

I got my self in a situation lately. I know again.. Vodka is not my friend.

I knew what I wanted, then got a little confused.. I don't sell myself short, I know what I deserve, the world AND love. Idon't voice that because I have trouble asking for what I need, it is not really a I feel bad about myself it is more of a I don't want to inconvenience others with my silly request to be happy. Well that sounds just dumb. Maybe I needed to read it.

Being A Grown-Up

2011-10-01T19:53:00.002-04:00

Been spending some time trying to figure some things out and work on diffferent parts of my life. The spiritual part is going really well, the other aspects not so much, well not so easy to improve... But I have faith it will all work out exactly the way it is supposed to, I only have to be patient. If you knew me you know why this is so hard...

Birthdays...

2011-09-21T07:22:00.002-04:00

My birthday is tomorrow! I get crazy excited like a squirrel on crack. It is a bit ridiculous. Not everyone is like that, some people don't get excited at all. How weird is that? I just don't get it. If I ever start lying about my age just kick me in the shins. I did dye the greys just the other day. We can't all be the model of perfection. That is boring anyway..

Well I have about a million things to-do. No lie. I do wish someone in high school would have told me that I would still have to clean my room, and all that other stuff I had to learn the hard way. Being a Grown-up 101... ♥

Ten Years Later...

2011-09-11T09:50:00.003-04:00

Hard to imagine it has been ten years. In some ways it seems much longer, in others it seems like seconds ago. I remember always being glad we did not live in one of those countries where things like that happened..

I was pregnant with my daughter, married and living on Fort Knox of all places. I felt secure...
I was watching Good Morning America like I always did in the morning. My brother was at school and my son was dressed and ready to go. I had a math test that day, my mind was on that. My now ex husband was at work in the motorpool.

In the last few minutes of Good Morning America, they cut away to live footage in NYC. I was puzzled, it did not look real. It looked like a movie. It was right after the pilots got in trouble for flying while drunk. I called the motorpool to speak to my ex to let him know and to see if he knew what was going on. He was at a re-enlistment ceremony, they knew nothing.

I continued to watch without any thoughts, only confusion. I saw the second plane fly near the World Trade Center. It seemed like hours.. Then the explosion. I still don't have the words to describe what I felt. Thinking of it now brings tears to my eyes, still.

I did not know how to react. I did not want to miss my math test. I guess I went into auto pilot. I got in the car to take my son to my friend Isa's house so I could get to school on time. While I was in the car the towers fell. I saw the people jumping later on the news. There are still no words that can describe what I felt and saw...

I remember the aftermath. The post got locked down, nothing was open. We went to the grocery store and had to take a cooler because it took about 4 hours to go through the security checkpoints to get home. A lot of people left their cars off post and just walked on to the base it was so much faster.

All the soldiers were on duty. I remember I just wanted everyone at home, I never had such a need for everyone to be close. I worried about the backlash for anyone that was from or appeared to be from any place in the middle east. I remember how odd it was to not see any planes in the sky. I remember watching the lists for the names of any friends that lived in NYC. I can't even imagine the effect if I was affected directly..

Still there are no words... ♥

Fall Is Coming..

2011-09-08T10:05:00.005-04:00

This is a picture someone else took, I just did a little editing.. Was taken on Labor Day weekend.

There was something I just let go of in the last few weeks. I felt like I was playing tug of war, the ups and downs were just too damn much. Oddly enough once I let go of trying to control everything, guess what happened? What I wanted.. I am trying to clean my brain out and simplify things.. Wish me luck! ♥

Update:

2011-08-24T19:22:00.006-04:00

Did not get to the gallery crawl that time, it was yucky and raining. But you better believe I was there two weeks later at the next one. I spoke to some of the vendors, meet some really great people, and just had a dang good time. Thing 1 and Thing 2 got their caricatures done.

So the plan is hopefully to go out for the next one and see what I can do.. The kids are going to take some watercolor paintings to sell. I wanted them to feel like part of it. To be excited about it. Besides, it will be a very good little business lesson for them. You figure if we don't sell anything we can chalk it up to a learning lesson for next time. The scary part is getting out there.. Nothing gained, nothing lost.. At worst it is a nice evening sitting in the middle of a bunch of great people and soaking up the scene.

I got a job recently and I am totally in love with the mission and the things they do in the community. There is so much potential for me to grow. The benefits rock my socks off YO! I am the bottom rung of this ladder but I will work my way up, no doubt.

There is something I have invested great time and love in that is just not going to work. I have come a long way with regards to getting in touch with my emotions. Being vulnerable is damn hard work. I have decided I won't go back. I know myself very good, I can not compromise. I know who I am and what I need.

But to be completely honest, I am not over it. It will take some time. So there is good and bad but so many bright lights on the horizon. I plan on taking full advantage of these opportunities. ♥

Taking The Leap

2011-08-05T10:19:00.003-04:00

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

Well I have been thinking about selling my jewelry for a loooonnnnnggggggg time. I am now ready to take the leap from reseaching to action. My life has under gone some huge changes lately. Some are good changes.. And some I am less than enthusiastic about. I tend to get complacent, this must be God's way of telling me to get off my butt.

But hey this is all part of the grand scheme of things right? Trying to figure out where I fit into the big world YO!

Going tonight to check out the gallery crawl in NODA, I think this would be a good jumping off point. Also going to do the Etsy thing like hundreds of thousands before me..

I am thankful for the positive people in my life that push me to be better. ♥

Burning Bridges

2011-08-01T14:54:00.003-04:00

Been thinking about burning some bridges lately. You know the people that once were a part of your life. But sadly, now are just extra baggage to carry around... you know the ones I am talking about. I grew up with the idea that we should always be as polite, to be a good girl. I am thinking that may be an old outdated idea. Why keep someone in your life if they bring more negative than positive?

How do you gracefully burn a bridge? ♥

Brighter...

2011-07-28T11:49:00.002-04:00

Things are looking up... I am quite pleased. Not quite there yet but much closer.. That is all! Carry On! ♥

Going Over A Speed Bump

2011-07-25T21:45:00.004-04:00

I was just chugging along, no problems.. Then it seems the universe got together to mess with me. It is almost like someone threw a wrench at my head.. I guess this was all to get my attention, so I don't get all complacent. Which I have with some things. My faith is strong and still in tact. I will pull through this like all the other stuff that has come up. I am strong..♥

Quote

2011-07-21T10:01:00.002-04:00

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

~Mark Victor Hansen

Quote

2011-07-20T12:45:00.001-04:00

“Stop the mindless wishing that things would be different. Rather than wasting time and emotional and spiritual energy in explaining why we don't have what we want, we can start to pursue other ways to get it.” Greg Anderson ♥

Letting Go...

2011-07-19T09:45:00.010-04:00

I have been trying to simplify things. I need to remember to let go.. It is a choice. There are so many things I can not control, people and situations. I need to be focused on the things I can control, things that will make me feel good, things that will help me take better care of myself and my family.

I know what makes me feel good:

The house to be clean & uncluttered

To make good memories with the kids

To feel independent

Laughing until my face hurts

The ocean

Things being simple and uncomplicated

Feeling appreciated

People I can trust

Not taking my body for granted, to appreciate it and treat it well

Spending time with people that just make me glow

Sometimes as much as you love something you have to know when to let it go, for the other person's good. Just because you are too damned tired to fight anymore. I am so tired of swimming upstream.. I just have to let it all go.. I have control over the thoughts in my brain, what I let in.

What makes YOU feel good? ♥

Living Up To Our Potential

2011-06-02T07:37:00.004-04:00

Is this something you think about often? How you could be a better you? I am not talking about being a better mother, wife, employee, or sister. I am talking about YOU. I know where I want to be but I am not sure sometimes how to get there. And I am terrified to fail.. Remember the whole divorce thing? My biggest issue with the whole thing was what an epic fail it turned out to be.

Have you achieved all you were meant to do?

I know I am great. I am awesome. I don't push myself. I sometimes wonder how unbelievably great I could be if I pushed myself a little harder. So am I alone in this? Do you wonder if you are living up to your full potential or doing just enough to get by...♥

Charleston

2011-05-07T12:53:00.006-04:00

I got to go away last weekend for the closest thing to a vacation I think I have ever had. It was wonderful and the most relaxing thing ever in the world. I could not stop taking pictures..

So I have had a weird week, this last week. I think I figured out part of my problem. I was out of the loop so to speak when I was gone. No contact with anyone. Since I have been back, everything has been all do this do that.. I am tired..

So the trick is to learn how to be on vacation all the time.. Any ideas!

And here is to getting back into the swing of things.. ♥

I Am A Lucky Girl..

2011-04-09T00:52:00.003-04:00

I am a very lucky girl.. I have the most wonderful friends in the world.. I have my far away friends I have know for freaking ever. Yes that is a measure of time. Google it.. Ha!
I have some new friends here in Charlotte. I have not know them nearly as long but I am thankful for each and everyone of them. They make my heart happy. After I see them my face hurts for hours afterwards from the laughing and smiling.

I had alligator tonight for the first time. No it does not taste like chicken. I watched a drum circle. Just had a great time...

I am a lucky girl... ♥

Thoughts On Getting Old..

2011-04-05T15:37:00.009-04:00

So I am the ripe old age of THIRTY FOUR! Can you believe it? I never imagined this would happen. I was thinking today about getting old while dying my hair. I like #118, it is just right. Not too dark not too light.. I finally figured out how to get exactly the results I want AT HOME! YAY!

The downside.. I dye my hair. My greys are beautiful and sparkly, like glitter in the sun. Like a showgirls' costume under the stage lights. While sparkly I am just not ready for them. Soon but not yet... Wrinkles don't bother me too much yet. All I can say is looking younger is nicer now. Sucked in high school but very cool on this side of thirty.
The upside... Where to start. You know it is not all bad. I finally figured out how all "my parts" work. Yes this took me YEARS.. It is like fine tuning a machine. When I was younger I must admit I was jealous of the boys. It seemed they did not have to do anything their... "machine" worked just fine on it's own. It seemed at times they did not even need to be in the same room. Well, A word to the young. Spend some time getting to know your parts. They are lovely and WAY better than boy parts. Promise! Maybe a bit too much information but who you are sexually is a huge part of what makes you who you are! You should celebrate that.

I know myself pretty well. I am so much more secure with who I am. I know what I like and what I don't like. I know how to tell someone what I like and don't like in a tactful way. Well when I want to be tactful... But let's face it. By the time I am 80 all tact will be out the window. Allow me to apologize in advance. The good part about knowing more about who I am, I am learning to love myself for my strengths and weaknesses. I don't love myself for how I look in a bathing suit. I love myself because I am a damn smart cookie that has learned how to stand up for myself when I need too. I am also smart enough to know when being right is not that important.
You get to write you own rules. No one is the boss of you. If you want to wear two different socks. It is okay. If you want to wear horizontal stripes. Okay as well. Plaid with polka dots. Okay Again! You can have cake for breakfast. You can wear purple lipstick. Hell you can dye your hair purple if you want to. Right now my nails are grey with silver and blue glitter. Why because I said so! You can never get married. You can get married 12 times. I am even friendly to the exes. Not for them but because I am just no good at being mean. I know this, why fight it? Besides being mean makes me feel yucky...

You can do what your heart feels is right. As long as you don't hurt anyone, no one really cares. I feel so free to be myself. To be honest about who I am. To be proud of who I am... I know what makes me feel good. The sun, the ocean, the house being clean, thunderstorms, the kids drawing me a picture, being missed by someone special. I know what makes me feel bad, and I know to stay away from those things.

I know not to settle when it comes to boys. I can be alone and be happy. I have wonderful friends because I know who I am. I know to make friends with people that will love me for who I am not who they think I should be. I know I have a good heart. I know that not everyone does. I also have learned not to take things personally. People all do things for their own reasons, while their choices may effect me they are not because of me. That guy that did not call when he said he would, no worries. If he can not return a phone call now, why would I want to have a relationship to him. People show you who they are, when they do you should pay attention.
I am working on making peace with mistakes and failures. I know it is part of life. I know we can not all be golden and awesome. I know sometimes things should hurt my heart. I have learned to embrace that, while not easy sometimes it is needed to heal. I don't have to run to the doctor to get a pill to numb everything. That is the easy way. Sometimes the best things are harder..

So what have you learned about getting old? The upsides and the downsides..

Open Hearts & Minds

2011-03-31T08:14:00.002-04:00

So many thoughts.. I thought I had something to share but, it is not organized the way I want.. It would have been pages of rambling that would have bored you to tears. By you, I mean me. I write these things for myself. I don't write for anyone else. Maybe this will be around for a long time. Maybe one day my children will read it. Maybe... Maybe not...

I am struggling with being open. I want my heart and mind to be open. I NEED my heart and mind to be open. When we are open there are so many things that can come into our hearts and minds.

We belong to a church and for over a year and a half I did not miss a single service. I would love the feeling afterwards, to feel so full of love. The love of God. The love of the people in my church family. I know God takes care of us. I would never pray to win the lottery but I pray for guidance ALL the time. I need guidance and strength more than the lottery anyway.

I know I can't control anyone. I can think with my heart, to look at everyone with a full happy heart. To share that love with them. I tend to get in my head too often and worry about thinking too much. I want to share love and acceptance with more people. Yes, my heart may be hurt by someone. It is okay though, I know it will heal if it does. I am a strong resilient person because I have a good heart. I trust God to allow things to come and sometimes go in my life.
Sometimes things are meant to hurt. If something terrible happens some people want to rush right to the doctor to get some magic pills to make the hurt go away. It is supposed to hurt. You are supposed to feel your heart break in a million pieces sometimes. You are supposed to let it heal, learn the lesson from it and grow. Not numb it with chemicals. The same goes for food. A lot of us use food to numb the pain in the same way. I have struggled with this for a long time. I think I am making progress and that feels really good. This makes me heart swell. ♥

2011-03-30T06:57:00.001-04:00

Sea Monkeys Make Me Happy

2011-03-29T15:44:00.004-04:00

Ok so not really about Sea Monkeys...

I have been keeping myself busy. I have learned a few things in the last few months.

1. It is good to be appreciated.

2. To spend time with people that ♥ me just the way I am.
3. To be missed is good.

4. I may not like cleaning and organized but HOT DAMN! I feel good when I do it.

5. Sometimes other people's crap really affects my mojo and I need to be more careful about what I let in my life.. or maybe who I let in my life.

I think I finally got a handle on the whole being good to myself but it is like potty training a dog. The second you think you got the whole thing down you find a huge steaming turd on the bathroom rug. So I am a constant work in progress.. And there you have it.. ♥

Compromise

2011-02-28T08:55:00.003-05:00

I learned a valuable lesson over the last decade or two.. I will never again compromise who I am for anyone. Fear of being alone. Fear of rejection. None of those are issues for me now. I have a pretty good handle on who I am and what I believe.

This is something I was reminded of recently as well.. I did something I knew I should not have and I was reminded of why I don't do those things.. I stay away from things that have the potential to make me feel unhappy or ashamed.. If I try to reason this away.. It always comes back to bite my ass.

Just because someone else believes something does not mean I have to. I am central to all my relationships. I have to remember to put myself first and then everything else will follow.. ♥

Light

2011-02-26T10:19:00.002-05:00

I have had the joy the last few nights to spend time with friends. And of course it was good. ♥

Blah... Blah... Blah...

2011-02-24T14:29:00.008-05:00

Also to know I don't need to get all things from one person. I can count on different people to meet my needs. There is no imaginary law that says otherwise. It is up to me to be sure all of my needs are being met.♥

2011-02-19T14:10:00.000-05:00

More Meaningful Relationships

2011-02-17T14:44:00.012-05:00

This year I decided that with all the technology around us I wanted to have deeper more meaningful connections with the people I love and care for. I don't want my relationships to be based on a electronic device. There is no substitution for an afternoon at the park with a good friend watching the kids play. Or a quiet dinner with someone spent mutually exchanging stories, beliefs, and ideas.

How can we do that with a text message? Plus you miss out on all the wonderful eye contact and hugs. We all need more hugs don't ya think..

This weekend we went on a longlonglonglonglonglong walk with a friend and the kids. There is no way a phone call could have covered the ground the walk did. I also took some pictures and it had been a few months. It was a great end to a wonderful weekend. It puts everything in the world back where it belongs, don't you agree? ♥

I need

2011-02-12T09:52:00.005-05:00

someone to pose naked in a Gladiator Helmet like Captain Morgan.. He won't bite.. Volunteers? You know you want to... ♥

2011-02-08T16:54:00.002-05:00

"The greatest mistake you can make is to be continually fearing you will make one." -Elbert Hubbard ♥

thoughts

2011-01-26T08:10:00.003-05:00

"When you have a choice to do something it means that you are gaining something on one hand but giving up something on the other."

"It is not how we got to where we are that is as important as how we go forward. Do not think too hard on the things that were not positive just learn from those experiences and move on..."

A friend wrote this in an email.. I wanted to put it somewhere to remind myself.. ♥

at the moment

2010-12-14T22:58:00.001-05:00

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”

~Eckhart Tolle ♥

All The Different Parts Equal Something Whole

2010-12-12T12:23:00.004-05:00

I always thought I was pretty simple. I am now realizing maybe not as simple as I thought. I see that I can be a handful. I used to be terrified of being alone. I don't mind it now. I actually prefer to be alone. It seems so much simpler that way. My first thought at trouble or conflict is to retreat. Good things always come out of the solitary time. Time alone used to cause me to panic.

Also been thinking about all the different parts that make me up into me. I always thought of myself as a whole part. I am more than that. There is the mother part, the sister part, the employee part. All of these parts are me but a little different. The person I am at a PTA meeting is different from the person I am in my most intimate moments with someone I trust completely. The person I am today is different from the person I was 5 years ago or will be 5 years from now. I think one thing that is quite consistent is the way I am with my friends. I would do anything for any of them. I expect the same from them. I need to feel the potential for complete trust.

Of course I know things change over time, that is to be expected. Just a few thoughts.♥

Business Thoughts..

2010-11-30T23:31:00.004-05:00

I saw this and wanted to keep it where I could read it.. A lot going on lately. It has been over three weeks and no smoking.. Learning to stand on my own..

Top-10 tips to create boundaries in your life and business that will bring more balance, ease and joy into your life:

~ Honor yourself by setting realistic limits, managing your capacity and saying "no" often.

~ Use your business as a platform to give your gifts, joy, spirit and love away daily.

~ Create a self-care plan, and stick to it. If you are unhealthy, your business will be, also.

~ Simplify. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, loving or joyful.

~ Don't get consumed by your roles (i.e., business owner, wife, mother). Step out of that role daily for 10 minutes for meditation/prayer/inventory check. You are more than the roles you play.

~ Invest in your future by keeping yourself balanced, healthy and focused. Stop taking yourself so seriously.

~ Be your biggest fan, not your enemy.

~ People won't honor your boundaries if you don't honor them first. Then others will follow.

~ Create more play (for employees and for clients) in your business — it will grow.

~ Surround yourself with people who empower and honor you.

Kill The Past

2010-11-12T07:56:00.002-05:00

Been trying to get some things figured out for myself.. I really needed to read this, this morning.. Funny how sometimes the universe sends you exacly what to need.

How To Destroy Your Past Lives

Slow

2010-11-08T07:33:00.002-05:00

We had a great birthday party and Halloween. I will get the pictures edited and share a few of them soon. I have had my brain and hands busy with other things..

I had a very productive weekend. I have always DREADED cleaning. I have realized in the last few years, I may not enjoy it but I need my surroundings to be clutter free. This makes me very happy. When I am happy I feel better and I can focus on things that are fun and fulfilling. So because it has all these positive effects I should just stay on top of it.. This is something I really should just accept that is part of the way I am...

Time Management

2010-10-28T22:52:00.004-04:00

I am a procrastinator, I even know how to spell it.. I copy and pasted this a long time ago from the great big internet.. I am making a SIX LAYER RAINBOW CAKE FROM SCRATCH.. OH YES! I am so freaking awesome.. I will take pictures.. :)

Start.

As simple as it sounds, the first thing you need to do is start. If you have something you need to write, sit down and write the first paragraph.

Set Clear Goals and Objectives.

Keep a to-do list, in combination with a day planner if you like. Be sure to go into each day with a clear idea of what you need to do

Know Your “Sweet Spot” of the Day.

What is your most productive period of time? What is your least productive time? Did you achieve your goals? How could you have done what you were doing more effectively?

Handle e-mail and Phone Calls in Batches.

If you are like most people, you get phone calls and e-mail messages throughout the day. Try chunking e-mail and telephone calls together and return them all at once.

Divide Larger Tasks into Groups of Smaller Ones.

Break a job into bite-sized pieces for easier consumption. Look at it like cleaning a room. You should pick a task to match the amount of time available.

Prioritize Tasks.

Try to understand the difference between urgent and important. Also try to create lists of what must be done , what should be done and what you would like done by the end of the day.

Learn When to Say No.

Many people are afraid to let their managers know how busy they are, however, if you are overextended, it is important that you speak up for yourself.

**If anyone knows where this is from please let me know so I can give credit..

Connections

2010-10-26T18:46:00.003-04:00

So I was thinking.. We are all connected online with twitter, tumblr, facebook, myspace, and about 30 more. We text all day long. We are all connected electronically.

The actual connection is gone. It is not very often we actually connect with another person. Be it a smile or a hug.. Actually make time to spend with someone else. I understand distance, some of my closest friends live on the west coast. We could share a phone call once every 6 months and be more connected then we are now. I am not saying it is like this with all my friends.. It seems that all this electronic stuff has just taken the place of genuine connection.. ♥

Bubby's Birthday

2010-10-16T09:21:00.003-04:00

My oldest turned eleven on Tueday. I will never forget how excited I was when I found out I was pregnant. All the vomiting, and book reading. You know so I did not dent the new baby when he came:)

In 5 years he will be old enough to drive a CAR! I don't know how the time as gone by so fast.. He really is the awesomest kid there ever was.. Lately I feel so surrounded with love it is amazing...

Taking Care Of Me

2010-10-07T11:29:00.003-04:00

I am continuing to figure out what taking care of me means. I have been making it a point to wash my face regularly.. I know I know! I am not all wrinkly yet so I just have not really bothered with it. I may look the same but I feel better, and sleep better.

So I did some reading about carbs last night. THere are simple and complex. The difference is how quickly the sugars are released in your bloodstream. The simple ones release the sugars faster, which causes your insulin to go after a certain point. And your body can not burn ANY fat while there is insulin in your bloodstream. I had no idea.. So I guess this is good bye to circus peanuts, and those yummy peach gummy rings.. This is indeed a sad day.

Totally unrelated but I am finally ripping all my music CDs to the computer.. I have been going through the book and some I have not listened to in ages..
I love the way a song can take you back to the road trip from Seattle WA to Boise ID, with that boy you almost feel in love with. The snow, sleeping in the rest area because it was late and the roads were just too icy to drive on. The feeling I had when he called me his lady bug.. The way we both sang along. The way I missed him once I realized it was just never going to work no matter what we did.

The song that makes me think of skipping high school down in Florida, going to the beach, spending all day in the sun. Thinking I was grown enough to know what was best for me. The dreams of what my life would become.

The CD I listened to when I drove across the country. I knew my marriage was over but I went along anyway with the hope that maybe love does conquer all. The very same CD I listened to when I realized in fact love was not enough and you get to a point in which there is just too much damage to fix. Not enough love left..

When I was going through the divorce a girl I worked with told me when I was in the midsts of the worst hell of my adult life that I would come out stronger. I thought she needed a drug test personally but she was right. I did not have the college experience to figure out who I was.. I am getting it all figured out now. Things have changed so much since the time when I thought I was happy.

Was there a time when you thought you were happy but you really were not? ♥

Moderation

2010-10-05T08:04:00.003-04:00

Okay so I have been attempting to practice moderation. I know does not sound like much fun.. I have been making better choices with regards to the food I have been eating. Trying to make better choices. Food is fuel. If you put crap in you feel like crap. Being very careful not to eat to the point of being uncomfortable. I was surprised when I weighed ten pounds less. I was eating what I wanted for the most part. I made it a point to go for quality not quantity. And just not eat so darn much.

I have not had any fast food in about a month. Yesterday morning I stopped by our good friend McDonald's to get a Sausage McMuffin. All morning I felt like poop. I felt heavy, grumpy, and tired. I noticed I has very quickly slipped back into making bad choices and eating too much. I was shocked at how bad I felt.

Another thing that makes a HUGE difference? Going to bed by 10:00. I always stay up to watch a TV show or two. You can watch just about any show online now. I went to bed last night at 10:00. Woke up and felt good at 5:00AM:) I have gotten more done today than all day yesterday. I have some issues with depression. I noticed a couple of years ago it is somehow tied into sleep. I can tell when the cloudy days are coming because I will be up all night. I have a feeling if I continuously get enough sleep, it won't stay for very long.

Everyone talks about taking better care of themselves but as women and mothers it is hard. I find that when I take time for myself I feel guilty as hell. When people would say I needed to do things for myself I really did not understand for a long time what they were talking about.. A shower? Doing dishes? Laundry? No those don't make me feel better at all. I need to feed myself as a person before I can feed the children or friends. Remember when you get on a plane, they say to put your mask on first. I get that now.

So then when I do have some free time it is spend zombified in some unproductive way, because I am just wore out.. I have things I want to do.. I need to be proactive in making these changes in my life because apparently my fairy godmother is lost. ♥

I Had Another Birthday!

2010-09-25T12:13:00.002-04:00

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/grownups.png

Uptown

2010-09-18T13:04:00.005-04:00

I Need...

2010-09-17T08:44:00.002-04:00

a pink feather boa. I don't how I overlooked this need in my life for so long..♥

"The Blob"

2010-09-09T13:47:00.002-04:00

Going to go Uptown to watch "The Blob" from 1958, it is F!R!E!E! Quite excited as we ♥ going Uptown.. I prefer Downtown but someone decided to call it Uptown, I was told it sounds less ghetto. You should have seen me trying to figure out where Uptown was. ♥

Trust

2010-09-08T23:08:00.002-04:00

I have been learning lots of different things. It takes me quite a bit to figure certain things out for myself. My trust in myself is much more important than I ever thought it was. To be honest I never even realized self trust was a thing.. Apparently it is. Something happened this week that brought all of this to the forefront.

Trusting in myself is separate from trusting others..

I rush through so many things. Never really stopping to make sense of it. I have been making efforts to slow down so I can get to know myself better. I have always thought I was a good friend to others. I want to treat myself with the same care, as I do others. I have been so blessed with so many wonderful friends. They have helped me learn so much. ♥

Thoughts

2010-08-29T17:38:00.003-04:00

I have been thinking a lot about growth, doing the things you have been afraid of, taking chances, and enjoying life. Yup! That is all for now.. 10-4 Over and Out Little Buddy.. ♥

Happy Sunday!

2010-08-22T14:19:00.001-04:00

Found on Youtube...

Starting Fresh

2010-08-06T09:29:00.002-04:00

I wanted to start this fresh.. Not sure where I am going to take it. Will let you know when I figure it out.. ♥